Saturday, October 8, 2011

Facing the Storms Head On

To all my faithful friends, I must apologize for not writing for so long. It has been a very rough year and to be quite honest I am ready for that good year to follow. I will continue to praise the Lord during this storm for He has always been with me even when it didn't seem like He was there. I may never understand why things happen the way they do but what I do know is that we serve a God of miracles and He can do the impossible! Well if you take a look back at my post back in December titled "Storms of Life" you will see that I explained the marriage problems my husband and I had. Well I knew there was more to the story and I am going to keep it at that for he came back and I praised God for that miracle! After the holidays, things seem to go downhill, I noticed my husband quit reading the books and was slowly giving  up on our marriage. Well it appears what I feared the most (that he would leave again) came true. I noticed the signs of what I suspected to be true and the lies just built up. He did it last September and lied again over the summer. He had been having an affair with another woman (a friend of mine that use to attend our church and she is married as well and her and her husband were having problems as well).  My husband told me on Sunday morning before church that he was going to leave me and he left me that Wed, August 17th. I found out about the affair about a week after he had left me. My husband called our kids and took them to dinner and told them that he had filed for divorce and told them he had been seeing another woman but did not mention her name. Then later he called me and told me everything. I told him I had suspected another woman and that it was someone I knew and then preceeded to tell him what I knew and who it was. I had told him days prior to all of this to be very careful if he was seeing someone here and someone we knew because as former youth pastors we knew a lot of youth and people here, well needless to say someone did see them together. I saw the signs and when I heard the news I somewhat felt relieved just knowing that what I thought to be true was true. I also had an incredible peace within me. I knew God was preparing me for the truth. My husband has lied so much, definitely not the same man I once knew at all. He has become cold and hard hearted. It saddens me to see my husband like this. He has truly fallen into a life of sin. I do not understand why this has all happened or even why. I don't understand how a man could throw away God, his ministry, his family and his marriage of 26 years. He is truly blinded. I may never understand all of this but I do know a God who has a plan and I put my trust in Him. During all this ordeal over the last year, I have never stopped trusting God nor will I now. I have learned that God never gives you more than you can handle. When he left me again, I was so upset and couldn't believe this was all happening to me again but I serve an AMAZING God. God was there the whole time, He never leaves you nor forsakes you. He gave me the strength I never knew I had to get through this and still providing that strength even now. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13
I have learned to rely on the Word of God each day and that scripture has helped me so much during this storm in my life. I am going to continue to praise the Lord in the midst of this storm! I know one day a testimony will come out of all this. I am praying for a miracle in our marriage!!! Whether it happens before the divorce is finalized or after divorce, I am going to continue lifting him up in prayer daily and praying for that miracle!!! I believe God can restore a broken marriage such as ours and I believe God can restore a lost soul such as my husband. God can do the impossible!!! This is my story and one day I  hope to be able to help others in a similar situation. Marriages are under attack! We must humble ourselves before God and fall on our face before Him and pray for marriages!!! I am claiming the victory no matter what the outcome may be, Christ is always victorious!!! You just have to keep your eyes on Jesus!!! My focus is on my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and our kids. I have been in prayer for my husband, Bill and our family and the other woman and her family as well. I have found that praying for others before your own needs is very rewarding and God gives you such a joy and peace. There are always others that are going through something similar to what you are going through now. You spend hours and hours in prayer and it is so refreshing. God clears your mind and gives you that incredible peace. I am truly blessed! No matter what the outcome I will continue to PRAISE the Lord, no matter what the outcome I will continue to trust TRUST in God, no matter what the outcome I will continue to PRAY!!! It is when we are at our weakest we become strong. It is not in our own strength but by the grace of God that He gives us that strength. When we truly forgive others then we find peace in our own heart. I can truly say that I have forgiven both my husband and the other woman, trusting will take some time. You have to remember that Christ died on the cross for our sins. A sin is a sin in God's eye whereas we look at sin from a human perspective, we view it as if some sins are worse. We still have to learn to forgive for God's Word tells us that if we do not forgive men of their sins, then our heavenly Father will not forgive your sins (Matthew 6:15).
We must not let bitterness build up for we have to give it all to God, completely surrender it all. God truly prepared me for what was to come and I believe that greater things are ahead no matter what the outcome may be. I know a God who can and will do the IMPOSSIBLE!!! I believe in MIRACLES!!! It takes FAITH!!! Never give up, keep the faith!!! KEEP YOUR FOCUS ON GOD AND NOT THE CIRCUMSTANCES!!! Storms are a part of life and it how God prepares us for what lies ahead. He teaches us to persevere and overcome the obstacles surrounding us. He teaches us to fully put our trust in Him. I am praying for a miracle in our marriage, my husband, Bill that the blinders would be removed and the he would begin to see God through his eyes, and also for the marriages that are under attack that they would be completely restored and healed.
The storms may keep coming but I am keeping my focus on the Lord!!! Thank you and God Bless!!!

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Merry Christmas

To all my followers and friends, I wish you all a very blessed and Merry Christmas!!! Take this time to celebrate Christ birthday remembering He is the reason for the season. God gave us his most precious gift, Jesus Christ. May we take the time to reflect upon our life and ask ourselves these questions, "Are we really giving our very best to Jesus?" "Are we really being obedient to His call upon our life?" "Are we really walking by faith?"  "Are we really being a witness as He has called us to be to others?" I pray many blessings be with each of you this Christmas season and the new year to come. We have to look at each day as a gift from God for He hasn't finished with us yet. He has something for each of us, we just have to listen for His Word. I have been very blessed in my life. I consider everything I have went through to be a blessing from God and a learning experience. I have always said "Something good comes out of something bad." When I was faced with a major storm in my life, I had to stay positive and remember what I always said and really seek the face of God. Jesus has truly blessed me with my family, my friends, my church family and the youth group. Thank you all for the many prayers!!! Thank you to my family and friends for helping us get through such a rough year. Forgive one another and love one another. I say that in all honesty for it is in God's Word and it is so true. No matter what you are going through or what someone may have done to you, forgive them and love them. God has given me a gift and for that I am thankful. Celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ and remember that through all the hustle and bustle that He is the reason for the season. May we show the love of Jesus Christ this holiday season not only at Christmas but all year through and the years to come. May we go and light the world with the love of Jesus Christ. I would encourage you to please listen to the song below titled "Where Are the Lines to See Jesus" by Becky Kelley. It is truly a beautiful song and has such an inspiring and beautiful meaning. Hope you enjoy it. Love you all! God Bless! Have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!!


Blessings to you all,


Cindy

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Becky Kelley - Where's the Line to See Jesus - OFFICIAL MUSIC VIDEO

Storms of Life

Well I wish I could say that this year has been a great year but that would not be true. Satan has really attacked our family this year so it has been a very rough year for me and my family. My mom went on to be with the Lord July 2nd of this year. She lived with my husband and I for 15 years so needless to say this was very tough on us. I know she is in a much better place but I have to admit the holidays have been tough as we celebrated our first Thanksgiving without her and now celebrating the Christmas holidays without her as well. She loved Christmas, it was always her favorite holiday and I miss her dearly. After her death, Satan attacked our family. My husband and I had been having some marital problems due to finances and other issues. I didn't realize how bad it really was until just a few months ago. My husband resigned as youth pastor effective October 7th and left me on October 8th. We were separated for 2 weeks. We did speak to one another regularly and within a few days he informed me that he did want to save our marriage and was willing to go to marriage counseling. We then set a date for marriage counseling.  Needless to say, during this ordeal, I was shocked and very upset.  It was the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. I don't wish it on anybody nor do I ever hope you have to go through it.  I looked to God, my family and friends during this trial as this happened only 2 months after my mom's passing. Satan was attacking our church, our youth ministry and our family. The youth ministry was our passion. It broke my heart. In a matter of months, I had lost my mom, my husband and my second family, our youth ministry. I knew God had it all under control. I simply had to trust him and give it all to Him. I give thanks to God for helping me through this storm in my life and giving me the strength to get through it. I also give many thanks to my dear friends and family for helping me through that difficult time.  I am truly blessed to have such great friends. After spending many hours in God's Word and praying daily, God performed a miracle. God gave me incredible strength through this storm, strength I never knew I had in me. When you think God has given you too much, He hasn't. It is when you are at your weakest you become strong. God gives you the strength and you are able to persevere. He never gives you more than you can handle, I know this to be TRUE. I prayed day and night for a miracle and God answered that prayer. I received a devotional email through a friend of mine which really helped me during this storm and I prayed it day and night. Prayer works! Prayer is so powerful!!! God performed a miracle! Prior to my husband returning home, he had become very hard hearted and cold so when he told me he wasn't coming back, he meant it at the time. He was not the same man for a while but now I am seeing the man I fell in love with again. God performs miracles and he is doing so in our marriage. We have a long road ahead of us but I know God is in control. We have been in marriage counseling since October 23rd. We are doing good and we have been truly blessed to have such a godly christian counselor whom my husband and I know very well. He is truly a man of God. I plan on sharing my complete testimony when all this is over. I am asking that you all would lift my husband and I up in your daily prayers. Satan didn't win, God was victorious!!! I would encourage you if you are going through some tough times, maybe even something like this, please keep your eyes focused on God, give it all to Him. He will see you through this storm. Even in your darkest of days, He is always with you. He will speak to you and He will use whomever or whatever to speak to you. I know for me I had Him, my family and friends, my church family and our youth group to help me through this all. Our youth group has been amazing. My husband and I are still attending Calvary Temple Assembly of God and they were very forgiving of my husband and of myself as well. My husband and I are both to blame for our marital problems which just spun out of control. We have a great family and we are truly blessed! I don't know where God will lead us when this is all over but I do know that we will be obedient to his calling, if it is youth ministry then we will continue on, if it is helping other couples then we will do so. I know I want to be obedient to his calling upon my life. My passion will always lie with the youth but if God chooses to move us on to something else then I will follow. I consider myself very blessed. I learned to praise God in the midst of the storms. One night as I was reading Job during this trial, a verse really spoke to my heart and I would like to share it with you. "Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?" Job 2:10. That scripture really hit me and I knew God was speaking to me. I praise God for the miracles and what he is doing in our life. I give God all the glory for seeing me through such a difficult time. I believe you have to look at each storm as a learning experience to help you grow more in your faith. I know this was not of God but of Satan but I also know that in all things God is there. He was with Bill and I each day. He never left us. I had to fully rely on God each day. I learned that I had not been doing on a regular basis. It is amazing what God will allow you go through. I consider myself very blessed. You will get through the storms of life, trust God and keep your faith and focus on Him. Don't fall into Satan's temptations or lies, trust God! Keep the faith!!! I pray for all those who are experiencing storms in their life whether it be finances, job, marital problems, or health related, whatever it is I pray God's mercy and grace be upon you this Christmas season. May he blanket you with comfort and peace. I pray for blessings to fall upon you and may He give you the strength to endure it. We serve an AWESOME and AMAZING God!!! Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!! Blessings to you all!


Cindy

Sunday, July 11, 2010

A Mother's Love (In Memory of our Mom)

In memory of our mom, Barbara Edwards. She went on to be with the Lord on Friday, July 2nd, 2010 after a year long battle with cancer.  I wrote this story in memory of our mom. I have also included a story from my sister, Cathy. We hope these stories will help all those who have lost a loved one.
A mother's love is as deep as the ocean. Her love never ends. She had seen us cry, laugh, mad, disappointed, and fail her. Even through the failures and disappointments, she never stopped loving us. She helped us along the way, showed us right from wrong, and followed the ways of the Lord. She helped us through many trials and was always there to listen. She made you laugh and was a joy to be around. A mother knows when you are hurting and seems to always know how to mend it. She offers words of encouragement and words of wisdom. Can I sum up a mother's love? No, not really. For what I have experienced, a mother's love is never ending. A mother's love is caring, nurturing, gentle, full of patience and wisdom, compassionate and loving. She had an incredible love that would light up a room and was evident to those she was around. We were truly blessed to have a mom such as her. We are considered blessed. My prayer is that the same legacy will continue. I would like to share a scripture which sums up my mom; it is from Proverbs.
Proverbs 31:25-30
She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household... Her children arise and call her blessed... Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all. Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
There is a song that is perfect for a situation like this titled "You Wouldn't Cry" by Mandissa. This song really spoke to my heart. If you have lost a loved one, I would encourage you to listen to this song. Our mom will always live on within us. She is rejoicing with the Lord and we know she is in a much better place now. She has no more pain, no more suffering, she is cancer free, completely healed! It is not good bye for we know we will see you again, it is more like a "see you later.

I would like to share this story from my sister, Cathy (sentimental and funny).
When I think of the characteristics of my mother, I think of a nurturing, supportive, caring, gentle, loving woman. She loved her family like a true warrior. When she received the news that she was terminal, she cried some, but she accepted the plan that God laid out with peace, rather than with fear. This brought such comfort to the family. She was a remarkable woman, mother, and friend that will be greatly missed.
I remember once that mom gave me this pot to cook with. I had never seen anything like it. I asked if it was a steamer and she said "yes," although later she did not recall telling me that. Anyway, I decided to steam broccoli in this new pot and noticed it had a little screw thing that went on the top, so I screwed it on. I went in the kitchen a few minutes later to check on it and I couldn't open the pot. I had to force it open with all of my strength. When I did, broccoli flew from the floor, literally to the ceiling and the pot flew all the way up and broke the kitchen light fixture and ended up in the sink. After hours of cleaning, I called mom to tell her about this steamer and she said, "Cathy, that's a pressure cooker, I see I shouldn't have given you that!" We made an agreement that she would no longer give me anything unless there was a box and a set of instructions.

If you knew my mom, you would know she was a sweet woman of God. She had accepted the fact that she was terminal and had come to peace with it. I really believe that mom went so quickly and peacefully because she knew we were at peace with it. Everyone spoke about how quickly she declined and they had not seen anyone go so quickly. She was at peace and ready to meet her maker, our Lord Jesus Christ. I told her Thursday that she would soon be singing with the Lord and that she would have an angelic voice. Little did I know that the Lord would call her that next morning. Now she is rejoicing with the Lord and I know one day I will see her again. It is not good bye for we know we will see you again, it is more like a "see you later."



Blessings,
Cindy & Cathy

Mom's Battle With Cancer

I would like to take a moment and share with everyone what has been going on over the last year. I have not been writing lately as my mom has been battling cancer over the last year. The last few months took a turn for the worse. She was diagnosed last June with Non-Hodgkin T-Cell Lymphoma cancer. Her mass was near her bowels around the small intestines. It is a very aggressive type of cancer with only about 30% survival rate. She had went through 3 different chemo treatments, the last one (strongest chemo treatment) appeared to have worked. The mass had gone down from 7 inches to 2.25 inches. Within a month the mass started growing again. Her oncologist was going to start her on a clinical trial which was her last option other than a miracle from God. They had to do more tests before the treatments could be done. After all the tests were done, the scan revealed that the mass had grown from 9 inches to 14.5 inches which meant she could not do the clinical trial for the mass was too big. She was given only weeks to live. We had prayed for God's healing but God had other plans for her. My mom was a fighter and she did cry when she heard the news but she accepted it with grace. My mom was at peace and she knew where she would be going. She wanted to go back to Marion, Arkansas where most of our family is at. We took her back to Arkansas and I stayed that week there for I wanted to be with her during her last few weeks not realizing it would be much shorter. We arrived that Saturday, by Monday my mom was showing signs of deteriorating. She had already stopped eating. When she heard the news, she no longer had the fight in her she once had, she simply gave up. My mom had been a fighter but she knew the time had come and she had no more fight in her, she was simply at peace. She was ready to go home. My sister and I saw my mom during her last few days, we saw the pain and the weakness. She slept most of the day, responsive at times. We had prayed that if God wasn't going to heal her here on earth, please go ahead and take her on home. We couldn't bare to see her in pain anymore. I am very thankful to Hospice for helping out and showing us what to do. We were blessed that our mom didn't suffer too long. Mom received the hospital bed on Tuesday, she was alert somewhat but having weird conversations. That night she spoke about seeing a light, my sister and I knew what she was talking about. We knew the way she was progressing it was going to be a matter of days. Mom slept most of the day on Wednesday and was awake on and off most of the day on Thursday. Then later on Thursday evening, she appeared to be in a comatose state. We could not wake her for anything. We checked on her periodically throughout the night but we had a feeling her time had come. My sister went in to check on her at 5:00am and she was not breathing. We called Hospice and when the nurse got there she confirmed what we thought to be true. Apparently it had just happened shortly before we checked on her for she was still warm but by the time the hospice nurse came mom was getting cold already. My mom went on to be with the Lord on Friday morning, July 2nd; she went peacefully in her sleep. I thank God that He blessed us with a wonderful and godly mom. She didn't suffer as long. Her symptoms didn't appear to get worse until the last two months. She passed within 2 weeks of hearing the news that there was nothing else they could do. The last week was the worse, she really declined during that week in fact within a matter of days. She is completely healed now, rejoicing with the Lord. I know I will see her again when God calls us home. Please take a moment to read the next post as it is in memory of my mom. Hope this helps someone who may have lost a loved one.

Blessings,
Cindy

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Love One Another

God gave me this message to speak to our youth back in May and I felt led to share it with you.

1 John 4:20-21:
If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. And he has given us this command: "Whoever loves God must also love his brother."

For God commanded us to love one another. His Word is very clear on that. Love (loved, loves) is mentioned in the Bible 697 times. Why is it that we struggle with loving one another, especially your own brothers and sisters in Christ? Why do we hate the sinner and in some cases even our own family of believers when we should be showering them with the love of Christ and lifting them up in daily prayer. Why do we speak badly about our own fellow Christians? James 3:9-12 speaks about taming the tongue. With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father and curse men. This should not be!!! Are we really showering them with the love of Christ? It is time we stop the games! Just because we have a relationship with Jesus Christ does not make us any better than the other person! Maybe it's time we refocus! 1 Corinthians 13:4-5 says, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keep no record of wrongs."
What have you done lately with your love letter? Have you stepped out in faith and obedience to God's calling? Are you just playing the religious game? Do you really think you are fooling others? NO you are not! You are NOT FOOLING GOD! Jesus in coming, He may be a loving God but He does bring justice. God knows what you are doing and He will not take you to Heaven if you don't repent! (Ezekiel 33:12)
2 Timothy 2:5 "Similarly, if anyone competes as an athlete, he does not receive the victor's crown unless he competes according to the rules."
God desires you to to love others as he loved you. It is time we start humbling ourselves and realizing that we are not above any other person. It is time we get off the high horse and stop thinking we are all that as a Christian. If you were all that, you would be bringing friends and this youth group would be full! I'm not saying this to hurt you, I'm speaking what God laid upon my heart. If you are harboring any unforgiveness or bitterness you really need to seek the Lord. You have to let it go and give it to the Lord. The longer you harbor bitterness and unforgiveness towards others, the worse it will get. Your spiritual walk with the Lord will be weakened or possibly even ruined by your own selfishness.
Matthew 6:14-15 clearly states "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."
How many of us have sinned? How many of us have done something stupid in our life that we wish we had a redo button? We have all done something we wish we could take back. We cannot think we are better than that sinner. We cannot think we are any better than our fellow Christians. What does it take for you to get it? God desires us to love one another. If we can't love our own, how can we really love God?
If you are one of those who are saying you are not growing in Christ, you need to ask yourself "Why?" Have you been spending time in God's Word daily? Have you been spending time in prayer with Him on a daily basis? Have you been telling others about Jesus Christ? Have been inviting others to church? What have you done to grow? Ask the Lord "Why?" Have you done anything or are you being complacent? DO NOT blame others when you are not growing due to you not being obedient to God's calling on your life. Do not place the blame on your youth pastor, your youth sponsors or leaders! The blame falls on you! God is simply saying it is time to WAKE UP!!! It is easy to be friends with people we get along with but what about the people we have differences with. What are you doing to grow closer to them? We MUST shower them with love whether they are our enemy or our own brother and sister in Christ. We have to learn humility. We have to learn that we as children of God are called to be witnesses to the lost. We are to be the light of the world. We cannot be ashamed of Him. We cannot fall into that trap. We must go and tell our friends before it is too late. His Word tells us that if we are ashamed of Him for He will be ashamed of us (Mark 8:38).
How many times has Pastor Bill given an altar call for anyone struggling? For anyone who desired to grow closer to Christ? Think about it. Did you go or were you one of those who sat back thinking he's not speaking to me? What are you doing to show love for one another. It is time we put our petty differences aside and forgive one another. It is time to get right with God. It is time to pray for humility and ask God to give you a heart of love for others. What are we waiting for? We should be lifting each other up in daily prayer. WE should always be lifting our youth pastor, youth sponsors, youth leaders, and youth group up in daily prayer. If you love God, you will obey his command, "Love one another." We must be united in brotherly love. Galatians 6:10 says, "Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers." We should all have each others back. Do you understand what love is all about? Jesus Christ is the perfect example of this, He died on the cross for our sins.
John 15:12-13, 17 "Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. This is my command: Love each other."

I would encourage you to listen to "How Can You Say You Love Me?" by G.L.O. (clips from passion of Christ) on YouTube. Pay attention to the words. I played this during youth service at the end right before altar call.